Two weeks ago I received this question in my daughter's "52 Questions about you" app she sent me for my birthday. Finally came up with a response.
Oh gosh, that’s the kind of question that we used to laugh about. “Meaning of life”? Wasn’t there a Monty Python movie about that? (Yes there was.) I’ve actually had this post hanging around for a couple of weeks trying to figure out how to answer this.
I’ve decided in the end to muse about one of Wikipedia’s definitions of meaning of life: What is the purpose of existence? Which can still be a fairly deep question but here goes. As I experience my 80th decade (yep, we start at age 0, not at age 10; at 10 we already have completed our first decade) I look at the “purpose of my existence” in terms of past, present and future.
With all that I have written about my past publicly and privately, with all that I have said to people and with all the interactions I have had with family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers and sometimes people I only encountered, who never knew my name nor I theirs, I see the purpose of my existence was multifold. I provided my parents with a (mostly) loving child and learning experiences (laughing). Provided my sister with a lot of hassle but, in the end, love. Forasmuch as I knew my grandparents and aunts and uncles, I can’t say they were all that aware of my existence but I won’t learn about that until I meet them on the other side of the veil. If I still had them in my life, I would consider my purpose in their life would be to care for them, help them, support them in whatever way I could.
For my husband, daughter and my grandchildren, my past AND my present was/is to support, guide, cheerlead, help them to learn their own “purpose of existence”. I hope that will hold in the future as well but I am also aware that things might change in terms of health and circumstances. I hope in that case I can be an example of how to weather difficulties and face end of life with courage and optimism. I want to leave them with good memories and no guilt about our relationship.
My purpose of existence was MINE, theirs is theirs, they will have different circumstances and different choices and that’s true of all the people I have known, now know, have encountered or will encounter. We can make life better for people, including ourselves, or we can make it worse; my choice is the former. Those, I feel, are actually the parameters in “the purpose of existence”—will my choice impact other people and, if so, am I choosing the best way for both of us.
What annoys me a lot in our modern society is this tendency to be “victims”, to blame other people because our lives didn’t turn out the way we wanted, when we made bad choices, when we are criticized. I believe there is a difference between a “mistake”—a choice we make when we don’t know any better or when we “sin” (using this non religiously, bear with me)—we do something that we know is wrong (important to emphasize—we KNOW it’s wrong) because it’s easier, because we don’t “feel like doing the right thing today” or when we are afraid of the consequences of doing the right thing. If we make mistakes, we should learn the right way to do something, or the better way to do it. Or maybe not do it anymore—thinking of people who still drive cars into their late 80s even though they’re a menace on the road. I know I only drive short distances at night myself…. Apologize if someone was hurt by our mistake and move on, everyone the wiser. When we sin, it’s very much the same thing except the apologizing and owning up come first. We don't have to learn the right way, we knew it all along, knew we were wrong when we did it but we did it anyway.
In both cases, mistakes and sins, we still need love and understanding, there’s no judgement in what I wrote because who am I to judge? I have committed both mistakes AND sins in my life, some I got away with (except for my own guilty conscience) and some I was punished for. I learned from both and I think, to sum up this very long answer, that’s the true meaning of life: to leave this world wiser in yourself, your family and friends happier for having known you, and the world a little better for your having lived in it.
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