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Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

The flying cloud, the frosty light;

The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

 

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
   Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
   The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

 

Ring out the grief that saps the mind
   For those that here we see no more;
   Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.


 In Memoriam, [Ring out, wild bells] -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

This post would probably be more appropriately written on New Year's Eve but as I will be, hopefully, up in the air (literally) on New Year's Eve and the muse is with me today, here goes.

 

December 16th 2022: I am reflecting on the past year. Looking at all of my various journal entries—this blog, my private journal, emails to friends, photographs, Facebook posts—it was a good year. The year is ending with all who are near and dear to me, save two, fairly healthy and fairly happy. No huge catastrophes in my sphere, whew! Minor illnesses, an awareness of getting older, more tired but, still, having been able to manage a major trip across the seas in April/May and to have enthusiasm for another one coming up next week.

 

Although I still have episodes of “drama mind” (my term for my getting worked up about things that are outside of my control), I think that I HAVE achieved a kind of peace this year. Certainly, I’ve ended the year feeling good about substitute teaching, (still) feeling good about where I am living, what I am doing. Where I am going.

 

As I look at Tennyson’s poem, though, there were periods of “. . . grief that saps the mind, For those that here we see no more….” And for the other griefs that he lists in the poem. The entire poem can be found here: https://poets.org/poem/memoriam-ring-out-wild-bells And of course it’s a popular Christmas song too.

 

I stopped writing this blog because my mind was sapped. But here I am again so it’s okay. I’m not so down that I don’t get up every morning feeling optimistic and grateful. And every day I do accomplish some little thing, whether it’s encouraging a friend in person or on email, being kind to husband and dog and the person who serves me my coffee at Urbano’s. I substitute taught quite a bit since my reflective post in August about being more choosy. Yes, I’ve been more choosy but I’ve also found that the less personally I took subbing, the more that I just relaxed and ENJOYED being with the students, the more pleasant the whole experience it became. And that’s kind of my big “ah hah” for 2022—not that it should be such an earth shattering revelation—all we have is today, make it as good as you can, set it up at the end of the day so that the days to follow will be equally good. 

 

And the hint about another trip coming up next week? Well, last month R and I decided on the spur of the moment to book a trip to London for Christmas week—actually 10 days. The family is going away, we were going to be on our own here and, oh heck, why delve too deeply into why we decided to do it? We just did and I will probably be blogging on it from London. 

 

For now, I leave with the words to another song called "I'm Still Here":

 

I'm fighting a battle
I'm fighting my shadow
Herd fears like they're cattle


I'm fighting a battle, yeah
I'm fighting my ego
Lost youth where did we go wrong
I'm fighting for me though
I'm lighting the long way home


Oh, the past, it haunted me
Oh, the past, it wanted me dead
Oh, the past, tormented me
Oh, the past, it wanted me dead
Oh, the past, it haunted me
Oh, the past, it wanted me dead
Oh, the past, tormented me
But the battle was lost
'Cause I'm still here


I am winning the war now
I'm winning it all now
Watch tears while they fall down
I'm winning the war now
I win against ego
Cast light on the shadow's long
I'm winning from ego
I'm lighting the long way home


Songwriters: Sia Furler / Jesse Shatkin

I'm Still Here lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., Aidenjulius Music, Pineapple Lasagne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8BXtM6onEY

 

 

Comments

  1. OneKidsMomDecember 16, 2022 at 1:41 PM

    Good to see you blogging here again! I scrolled down and discovered I had missed the previous entry! It's very touching in its reserve over the passing of Queen Elizabeth. Her life had many parallels to so many of us. I was born the year of her coronation, married the year Charles and Diana wed, and my son was born just a few weeks before Harry. I've never been in the UK but my genetic heritage hails from there.

    I wish you a fine Holiday journey, and rejoice in your current well-being.

    ReplyDelete

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